Today, I asked for help

I imagine this is what life will be like with a little help...

It seems like my posts are getting farther and farther apart. Let's say I'm taking the summer off to spend time with my family, it sounds better than the truth...I have not been inspired to write. I've noticed some of my other SN Mommy Bloggers have gone through this lull too. Life gets busy, you don't have anything to rant or rave about, so what is left to write? I think that is where I have been, until today.

For several months now I have been looking into what a Personal Care Assistant (PCA) does and if this might be a good fit for our family. At first, I was skeptical to let a stranger into my home to help me with things that I can do on my own for Sissy. Then, I started talking to parents that have a PCA for their child with special needs, all with varying levels of assistance needed. I liked what I was hearing and decided to talk to a provider. I even went as far as filling out the paperwork. That was in May, and it sat in my "To Do Basket" for almost a month before I pulled it out and sent my husband to submit the application in person. A month later (last week) I received a phone call that Sissy had been assigned a caseworker to review our request for services. I hung up the phone, sat on the couch and cried. I needed help, and admitting this to myself was so overwhelming.

Today was our home assessment. I managed to sneak in the fastest-shower-ever after my Hubby went to work, while Sissy took a quick morning nap, and before Brother woke up. I wanted to look a little less frazzled than I normally do in the morning. I tidied up the house (even thought I swore I wanted the caseworker to see the tornado that we usually live in) because my Mom raised me to straighten up for guests. Pulled out Sissy's medical files and all of her doctor's contact information. I took a deep breathe and greeted the caseworker at the door. She was so nice and very easy to talk to, which made me ramble on even more than I usually do. She definitely saw what a typical morning looks like at our house. Sissy was frustrated because she didn't want to sit in her chair and play at the table while we talked. So, I carried her for a little bit, then let her roll around for a little bit, then put her in her stroller for a little bit, then picked her back up again....Brother sat quietly and happily played his video game with no time restraints. The caseworker asked all the standard questions that I have become accustomed to over the years. I ran around after Sissy while answering her questions, keeping it "professional" so no information would be missed. At the very end, as we were wrapping up and Sissy began watching a Barney music video, the caseworker asked "is there anything else you would like to tell me about your daughter or your family that will help us determine what services you would benefit from?" Oh brother, here it comes... big crocodile tears! I wanted to tell her how we are doing great and keeping it all together, but a little extra help would be appreciated. I wanted to tell her that having someone come in to our home a couple hours a week would allow me to take care of my household responsibilities while Sissy still receives one on one attention. I wanted to tell her how helpful her big brother is, but I didn't want to keep putting more expectations on him. I wanted to tell her how proud we are of our children and what our family has overcome. Instead, with tears streaming down my face, I simply asked her for help. The caseworker gave me a hug, told me I was doing a great job with both of my children, and said that she would be in touch soon. 

For three years, my Hubby and I have taken care of ALL of Sissy's needs. I have watched my friends' children that are Sissy's age and younger learn to walk, brush their own teeth, eat a sandwich, drink from a big kid cup, potty train, and sing silly songs. My Hubby and I do all of these things for Sissy. I am so very proud of all that she has accomplished in such a short time, but it still breaks my heart to think of how hard each step has been and will continue to be. Our journey is going to be a long one, and in order for me to be the best Mom I can be to my children, I need to ask and accept help when possible. 

The next step in the process is to see if we qualify for services, and then we have to meet with potential PCAs to see who will be a good match for Sissy and our family. I'll cross that nervous breakdown off my list when we get there. For now, I'm going to ask my SN followers to help me prepare for what comes next. I LOVE comments/emails and welcome advice from those of you that have been through the process. Thanks in advance!