We are the 20%

2012

There is a scary statistic that haunts parents in the special needs community:

"Too often, the demands of caring for a special-needs child create stressors on a marriage that lead a couple to divorce. The divorce rate among parents of special needs children is above average – by some estimates, as high as 80%."

In the "Your Child has a Disability and Here are ALL the Depressing Things You Should Know" handbook, aka "Google" or "The Internet", this is one of the things I fear most. My Hubby and I met when we were 19 years old, dated for 2 years, lived together for 1 year, and have been married for 10 years. We've faced some pretty difficult situations together, including the death of my Hubby's father, 2 miscarriages, loosing a job, moving  to 3 different cities in NC the first 3 years of our marriage, evolving friendships, raising strong-willed children, stretching our last dollar more than once, choosing who stays at the hospital and who goes home, working completely opposite schedules...raising a child with special needs and balancing this with another child.

Marriage, even under the best circumstances, is hard work. If you don't agree...you're not doing it right! For our marriage, "better or worse" means something completely different than most of our friends. We don't fight about spending too much time at the office or out with friends. He doesn't get mad at me for going out and buying designer handbags and shoes because we spend that money on monthly medical expenses. What we do too often is take out our frustration of the "unfair" challenges we face as parents and spouses on each other. It is something that we have both acknowledged we do, and we are getting better at picking our battles. Ok, he is much better at that than I am...but I'm trying!

2002

We've done a lot of talking, crying, and yelling through out our 10 years of marriage, but it has all lead us here...celebrating 10 years of some of the best and worst moments of our lives. If I had to do it all over again, I would. The only thing I would change would be our vows. Instead of "in sickness and in health", blah, blah, blah...they would talk about communication, Date Nights, laughing at ourselves, falling asleep talking, asking for/accepting help, apologizing, showing affection, being honest, not hiding your feelings, talking to each other, and remembering that no one is perfect.

I love my family, I love being married, and more importantly, I love my husband. These 3 things got us to 10 years and will definitely keep me focused on 10 more!