While we were standing in line to check out, a middle school aged boy and his mother started talking about Sister as if we weren't close enough to hear their entire conversation. I was doing a good job ignoring them, since they obviously were trying to figure out the big "mystery" on their own. The mother eventually asked me how we knew she needed glasses, and I gave her my generic "you really don't want to hear the whole story" version.
At 9 months old, she wasn't tracking objects well, or playing with her toys, or smiling much; so our pediatrician thought we should have her eyes checked. He noticed that she is farsighted and suggested glasses. The day she received her first pair, she began smiling more and holding her head up better.
On the way to the car, Brother asked me why everyone asks about Sister all the time and not him. He then told me that he wants to be special and wear glasses too. My heart broke in a million pieces. I've tried so hard to make both my children feel special, and now some nosey shoppers have made him second guess that. I was not expecting him to ask these questions today, and definitely not this soon. I hugged him, and told him that when he was little everyone used to stop me and say what an adorable little boy I had. I reminded him that it was pretty cool that he passed his eye test at his last check up and because he did he didn't need glasses to help him see. I pretty much stumbled through a conversation with him, and then tried to change the subject.
Today in the car on the way to pick Sister up from school, he asked why she couldn't go to school with him. I tried to explain that Sister needed to go to a school where they could give her some extra help learning how to sit up, crawl, talk and one day walk and that her school could do all those things AND teach her the alphabet, colors, numbers, and shapes. He seemed ok with this answer, but I'm sure the more he thinks about it, the more questions he'll have.
I always try to answer Brother's questions as openly and honestly as I can, with out scaring him too much. He knows that Sister has seizures, and that she needs extra help doing things that he and I can do all by ourselves, but I don't think he is really old enough to understand what it all really means. There are days that I don't think I really know what it all means either, so for now, I will answer his question as best I can.
How did you address these questions with your other children? Any advice or tips on what I can expect or prepare for going forward? What worked for your family and what was a huge disaster?
2 comments:
Hi Alisa. I have a 5 year old daughter and a 4 year old son. My 5 year old has always been very vocal and has been asking questions since she could talk. My son (4) has many disabilities and also attends a special school which has helped him immensely. When my daughter was younger, we explained that her brother had "boo-boos" in his brain and it meant he needed extra help. We have always tried to treat each of our children as equally as possible. If our son needed special attention for something, we were sure to give our daughter extra attention as well. As they've gotten older, the questions have gotten harder to answer and I, like you, have no idea how to help her understand. She worries about him going to the hospital and is worried he might die. How do you help a 5 year old to understand?
Hi Aimee...I received some advice earlier today that you may benefit from as well "A dr. once told me to answer [my son's] questions as they arise, but that it wasn't necessary to elaborate as he just wanted the answer." I'm going to start here and hope that buys me a couple more years :) Best of luck to you and your family on your journey!
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